So I am not far from turning forty, I have a lot of things that I NEED to accomplish before I turn 40. I am currently 38, I turn 39 in 4 months. I have a year and 4 months to do it. Why? Because if I do not then why the hell did I put it on my to-do list. I like to-do lists, they keep me in check, I can knock out everything that needs to get done. I get a lot done, I feel good accomplishing these tasks and know that I can conquer the next day. Tackling a list that has a lot on it is a challenge but one that I can and need to do. Without a list, I would just sit on my ass and do nothing and whine that nothing ever gets done.
My to-do list of life is not long but; it is the to-do list of all lists. This is the list that I have held over my head. The items on this list are items that I have been trying and wanting to accomplish since I graduated high school. Some are things that I have added because I am done feeling sorry for myself. What goes on in my head is not what goes on in real life, it is time to put on my big girls panties on and get through this list before my 40th birthday. That is my intended goal. And I will get through it. Like my currently half-marathon training, I will push myself to do my best.
I will for sure blog about the to-do list. Putting it out into the world, cosmically I think will help me in the accountability department. To be honest, I am good at coming excuses as to why I wasn’t able to do anything. It is a habit I developed that is not very good, something I know I got from my dad which does not make me any happier either. My dad always came up with reasons why he did what he did much to my mother’s chagrin. I don’t want to come up with excuses! This is the swift kick I need.
Now some of the items on my life to-do list are in progress, but they are indeed goals that I need and want to accomplish. They have been lingering around for several years and it is time to get them done. If I do not then I wasted all that time for nothing. I have some now or never goals that I want to accomplish, they are very recent goals that I want to try and accomplish. I will prioritize this list, like I do with my regular to-do lists. And while some tasks will take longer, I want to make sure that I check them off.
The ultimate goal, that by my 40th birthday comes around, I will have 95% of my to-do list checked off. I will consider time constraints like illness or emergencies, the big to-do’s will be checked off for sure. I will take into account that I live in Belgium and that I have kids to take care of, I will not put them on the back burner just because mommy has things to do. I tried doing that and my life was not great as a result of my actions! I want them to see that you can accomplish things and be proud that you did it.
So what is on my to-do list, it is not long however every item is something worth accomplishing. We all make list short lists and long ones, the length of the list does not matter, what matters is that you check them off.
My Life To-Do List:
- Graduate with Bachelors
- Pay off outstanding debt
- Become a Star Stylist with Stella and Dot
- Finally let go of the past
- Get my teeth fixed
- Run in 3 half-marathons
- Stop taking things personally
- Get certified in Crossfit Endurance and Football
- Get my certificate to teach English
- Be a better mom
- Better my fitness and lose weight
The Bachelors has been a work in progress for the past 14 years. I am at a point now where if I don’t get it then everything else I want to do would have no foundation. If I decide to start something, I would have no base to go back to. And also I would not feel like I failed, failure is such a strong feeling and I am done with failing.
Paying off debts, it is mostly old loans that I have deferred over and over and well it is time to pay them off. I want build our forever home and build one that is beautiful and amazing, with my credit score we will not have our dream forever home. And I want to be able to buy items that last a lifetime that do not require assembly. I want to secure a college education for my kids, we have one started but I want them to not have to worry about taking out loans.
Stella and Dot, I love this company. It is the one home-based company that I truly stand-by. We have amazing jewelry, handbags, scarves. But I am a huge self-sabotageur. I am all gung-ho, I publicize my business, trunk shows, you name it and when I see an opportunity and I fear that people won’t like me. I missed out on a lot of great opportunities back in Maryland. I blame myself for not putting myself out there more. I didn’t work hard enough and for that I failed myself and my business. I self-sabotage because it is easier than seeing what I am capable of, I am in a way scared of succeeding. Also part of the reason why I am scrambling to check off this list, a lot of these is because of self-sabotage. The high school girl in my head keeps telling me, “you’re not good enough” I have heard that a lot in my teen years and it still haunts. So with my Stella and Dot business I need to nix the doubt and go out there!
With the self-sabotage which should be on the list to stop doing, letting go of the past is a huge part of that as well. Letting go has been a work in progress, the negative thoughts of failed friendships and opportunities creep into my head and I think back to the what ifs which are too late. They happened and that is it.
“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes”-Oscar Wilde
I am not perfect and it does effect me that I can’t do things a certain way like other spouses and moms. I need to let go of the idea of perfection. It is unattainable.
Getting my teeth fixed is obvious, I have bad teeth end of story. Run in 3 half-marathons, I haven’t decided which ones, I just want to run in them.
Stop taking things personally. I do this, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this ties into letting go of the past. I know and am still learning that not everyone will like me. I don’t have to be everyone’s friend and if I am not myself, people will not like me. And if I act like a selfish bitch, it will not get me far, just nasty looks. The whole world is not against me, I need to develop a thicker skin for sure.
The next two go with bettering myself, getting certified in Crossfit endurance and football and to teach English. These two will take longer, getting my Bachelors is number one and one of the most important things. I am not too worried if I do not finish by I am 40.
Be a better mom, I am tough on my kids, I lose my temper and I want to give my kids a great life. My kids mean the world to me and I don’t want to raise them to be inept adults. I want them to thrive out there, I want them to be strong, stand up for themselves. Be courageous, respectful, loving and kind men! Being a mom is ultimate role of my life. 5 years ago, I put being a mom on the back burner and I suffered. My kids do not remember that, I do not want them to but I will never do that again. I do not want to guilt them the way my mom did me, they are the one thing I have not sabotaged. They are the reason why I want to better myself.
Better my fitness and lose weight. My physical appearance is a touchy subject with me, I never had a great body, I was never considered pretty. There was a moment in my life where I was super skinny, but I was not doing it in a healthy way. I love a good workout, the low self-esteem keeps me from wanting to love my body the way it is. I self-sabotage! I do really great and then I get upset and I over do things because it feels better. I complain instead of doing something about it. Beside growing thicker skin, I need to be comfortable in it as well! Will I look like a model? HELL NO! Will a be a healthier version of myself, absolutely.
I am done! I am done self-sabotaging my chance at an education, of letting go of the past, of taking things personally, my business, my health, my relationships with those around me and my physical appearance. I am done! I am irritated with myself that I am at this point, I feel very stunted in the way I have grown and lived my life. I wish I can go back and change things, but I can’t do that and just focus on the now and my future. The past has helped me to get to this point, no more looking back. Just going forward!! NO MORE SELF-SABOTAGE!!! I am done!
This list is the ultimate to-do list, I have to get this done or else. Join me on this journey to finishing! Do you have a checklist? I am ready to tackle these tasks and get to where I need be emotionally, mentally,physically and spiritually.
Time to tackle the to-do list!