What to do!

As an Army family, keeping track of things like important documents and orders for our next post is necessary.  I am great when it comes to moving, for my own personal things that is a different story.  When you move as much as we do, you can’t help but keep track of things.  And when we get to our next station, you have to be organized. Funny I can organize moving a household, but I cannot get myself to finish my degree!  Which is why I have been on a big to do list kick.  The summer is almost over and the school year is about to begin, time to get back on schedule.  I love me a good list!  The whole pen and paper, marking things off in pen with your favorite colored ink.  I also love a good planner!  I do have my iPhone and us my iCal, but there is something about opening a spiraled notebook with dates and reminders.  Having a tangible way of keeping track and staying on track is helpful and can be fun and when you have items that are tried and true and not to mention pretty, it makes staying on track enjoyable.


Now I can get a little crazy about all the pretty papers and colorful pens.  But how can you not? With so many companies out there, the typical filofax and post-its aren’t cutting it anymore. There are stores out there with floral patterns and geometrics, stripes and inspiring quotes to make getting your (pardon my language!) shit together that much more fun!  I am going to share my favorite planners and notebooks to keep me organized.  Do you have a favorite?  Share it with me!


I love a good notebook, through Stella and Dot I discovered May Designs.  Their beautiful notebooks are the perfect size to carry with me in my purse.  You can personalize the cover with very cool designs to match your personality and tastes.  I usually just get the notebooks with lines so that I can take notes and keep track.  Every design is unique and I love when they collaborate with other companies and organizations.  Their Pinterest board is pretty!  I enjoy seeing where they get their inspirations.   The notebooks are a great quality, the stitching is strong and makes for a unique detail.  In the picture below are 4 of the notebooks I created to use throughout the year.  The colors are great and they also have notecards too! That way you can send a sweet message to your favorite person.  They make great gifts for the student, new parent, anyone!  They ship to APOs as well so if you are overseas, snatch these up!  IMG_0599 copy.jpg





Now when I got into planners, I just went with what was easy, Filofax which were all the rage in the 90’s was my go to.  But now you have so many that help you get your life in order.  The one that I have been using and liking has been the Day Designer.  Created by Whitney English this planner is everything and more.  It organizes your life!  It has some great pages to write down long term goals for yourself, family and work.  Every month and day is perfectly sectioned so that you can optimize your output for the week.  The inspirational quotes on each page gives you a little jumpstart.  Whitney English created a great template to map out what YOU want to get done. I like using this to keep track of my volunteering not to mention it has a top three most important, I always make sure to add my workouts so I don’t skimp on them (I have been on a roll since my last checklist post!).  Her blog is great too and ties in the Day Designer so well.  Click on her name and check out ‘Life+Business+Creativity’ and get ready to tackle that list.


And even if you don’t write things down and use just your smartphone, there are great apps for that as well!  I like using my reminder app on my iPhone to remind of what I have to do, I can even remind myself to check my to-do list so I don’t neglect it.  My iCal is great, the husband and I share one so we always know what is going on ESPECIALLY with the kids.  There is no way we will EVER forget to pick up the boys from soccer practice.  By sharing the calendar I can prepare for the week without playing 20 questions.  There is no confusion and the husband as well doesn’t have to question me about school events!  Other apps like Evernote is also helpful!  You can create files, notebooks and load photos, whether you are holding a meeting or getting ready to PCS, Evernote allows you to create these particular files so you stay on task and not lose your cool.  They even have an Evernote food app so you can keep your favorite recipes, restaurants and meal plans in one easy spot.


Checklists offer you a way to get things organized, something I have been trying to do for the past 10 years.  Is all of this a metaphor for something?  Yes in a way, by clearly defining what you want to accomplish it allows you to look at the big picture and tackle big things head on.  For me, instead talking about it, writing it down and seeing it makes me focus.  I have a lot to get done in a few years and so far, I am well on my way.  I like planning trips and get togethers, I have a hard time planning my life and keeping myself in check.  A checklist for life is effective and gets me to my ultimate goals.  I don’t want regret not finishing what I have started, that stops now.  Checklists are used to organize a house, to prep for a new baby, to start a business, plan for big events.  Why not use a checklist to organize your life?  We all want to make sure that we are doing well and making ourselves happy.  We all want to accomplish little and big goals so why not make it into a list to help you do just that!  I am at a point in my life where I am done talking and I have to start doing.  My checklists, are my way of getting things done and feeling awesome for finishing what I have started.


Disclaimer: Sorry for the picture quality.  I didn’t clean off the lens on my camera phone very well. 


Okay so Tim Ferris who wrote the book ‘The 4 Hour Work Week,’ has an amazing blog!  His recent post of ‘5 things I’ve been loving’ has some great stuff!  Check him out and his books!  I will be doing the 4 hour body, should be interesting.  His podcast is great!  If you do not know who he is, you should!

Also I have a Pinterest board that I have been filling up and looking at from time to time.  How to live happy, check it out!



Forgive and forget, two words that seem to go hand in hand, two words I have difficulty with.  I can forgive but forgetting is tough and I know that when I ask for forgiveness, they will not forget either.  I am not perfect and accept that I have made mistakes, my mistakes haunt me every day.  They are a constant reminder of how I have screwed up and that I have failed those closest to me.  I need forgiveness, without it I can’t live with myself.

I also have hard time of letting go, forgetting is not a strong suit, to forget means that I can get over it and I can’t.  I can’t let go of the fact that I was hurt and made to look stupid and taken advantage of.  I have let people do that my whole life and I can’t do it anymore.  It is part of my faith to forgive those who have hurt me, but I can’t.

But I do not want to be weak anymore!  I refuse to let those who have hurt me continue to and I have to remember it is better to forgive than to forget.  I know that it is not the end of the world, a thick skin is what is needed and to move on.  Part of the reason I have this thing is because my mom never forgave me for things.  I would apologize but she never truly forgave me and had no problem reminding me what I did wrong.  She would NEVER forget nor forgive.  Trying to please and make sure that I am forgiven is a result of me trying very hard to get my mother’s forgiveness.  My mom was hard on me and expected me to be good, “don’t breathe like that.”  “Don’t chew like that!”  “Why are you standing like that!”  Everything I did was wrong, I wasn’t what she 100% wanted, until I married my husband who was everything she would have wanted, then in her eyes I did well.

Not forgiving and holding grudges has been a lifetime struggle and last night I screwed up, I messed up on our payments to our HOA and could feel the disappoint in my spouses’ face.  I took responsibility for my screw up but it ate me up inside , I didn’t feel forgiven.  I didn’t want it held over my head, I wanted absolution.  Last night, I couldn’t sleep!  I stayed awake knowing that I made a mistake and he didn’t forgive me.  We are just starting to pay down things I messed things up!  It drained me emotionally and tonight, he confronted me.  He didn’t do anything, I just wanted to be forgiven!  I find myself drained, lightheaded, swollen eyes from crying and asking permission to do things.  He forgave me but it wasn’t enough for me!

I haven’t felt this way since my mom!

I have been harboring this within me for 30 years!  I have been passive-aggressive as to not rock the boat and as a result, I have become this weak person who can’t accept forgiveness unless I am shown.  An embrace or even a touch on my arm, its ridiculous!  I am acting like a victim, I am not.  All because I can’t let go of what happened in my past.

” When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.

I forgive the way my mom was, she was brought up the same way, you can’t blame her for her upbringing.  I can’t blame her for mine, I have to grow up and not do the same thing to my kids.  I also have to understand that I can’t forget, if I forget then I can’t learn and grow from the situation.  I have to let go of the pain and the anger, if I want to heal.  Making mistakes is better than making perfection, I could not be perfect for my mom.  Time to let go of that!  I have been selfish and wanted attention and me me ME!  I lost friends because of that and I have let go of that.  My husband forgave me, not in the way I wanted, I have to accept the forgiveness.  I can’t drudge up the past and use it now.  I can’t carry all of this when I turn 40 and I do not want my kids to carry it either.  They can’t end up like me, not like this.  I have to forgive as well, we are human, if I can’t forgive than how can I move on.  It has to go both ways!  Open heart, open arms, forgive, move on.


I have hit the wall, the epiphany hit me as well and my to-do list is getting done.  Letting go and moving on is being worked on, now that it has been pinpointed I can move forward.  I am so drained, my emotional tank is empty I need to go fill it up and get some sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day.

The To-Do List of Life


So I am not far from turning forty, I have a lot of things that I NEED to accomplish before I turn 40. I am currently 38, I turn 39 in 4 months. I have a year and 4 months to do it. Why? Because if I do not then why the hell did I put it on my to-do list. I like to-do lists, they keep me in check, I can knock out everything that needs to get done. I get a lot done, I feel good accomplishing these tasks and know that I can conquer the next day. Tackling a list that has a lot on it is a challenge but one that I can and need to do. Without a list, I would just sit on my ass and do nothing and whine that nothing ever gets done.
My to-do list of life is not long but; it is the to-do list of all lists. This is the list that I have held over my head. The items on this list are items that I have been trying and wanting to accomplish since I graduated high school. Some are things that I have added because I am done feeling sorry for myself. What goes on in my head is not what goes on in real life, it is time to put on my big girls panties on and get through this list before my 40th birthday. That is my intended goal. And I will get through it. Like my currently half-marathon training, I will push myself to do my best.
I will for sure blog about the to-do list. Putting it out into the world, cosmically I think will help me in the accountability department. To be honest, I am good at coming excuses as to why I wasn’t able to do anything. It is a habit I developed that is not very good, something I know I got from my dad which does not make me any happier either. My dad always came up with reasons why he did what he did much to my mother’s chagrin. I don’t want to come up with excuses! This is the swift kick I need.
Now some of the items on my life to-do list are in progress, but they are indeed goals that I need and want to accomplish. They have been lingering around for several years and it is time to get them done. If I do not then I wasted all that time for nothing. I have some now or never goals that I want to accomplish, they are very recent goals that I want to try and accomplish. I will prioritize this list, like I do with my regular to-do lists. And while some tasks will take longer, I want to make sure that I check them off.
The ultimate goal, that by my 40th birthday comes around, I will have 95% of my to-do list checked off. I will consider time constraints like illness or emergencies, the big to-do’s will be checked off for sure. I will take into account that I live in Belgium and that I have kids to take care of, I will not put them on the back burner just because mommy has things to do. I tried doing that and my life was not great as a result of my actions!  I want them to see that you can accomplish things and be proud that you did it.

So what is on my to-do list, it is not long however every item is something worth accomplishing.  We all make list short lists and long ones, the length of the list does not matter, what matters is that you check them off.


My Life To-Do List:

  • Graduate with Bachelors
  • Pay off outstanding debt
  • Become a Star Stylist with Stella and Dot
  • Finally let go of the past
  • Get my teeth fixed
  • Run in 3 half-marathons
  • Stop taking things personally
  • Get certified in Crossfit Endurance and Football
  • Get my certificate to teach English
  • Be a better mom
  • Better my fitness and lose weight


The Bachelors has been a work in progress for the past 14 years.  I am at a point now where if I don’t get it then everything else I want to do would have no foundation.  If I decide to start something, I would have no base to go back to.  And also I would not feel like I failed, failure is such a strong feeling and I am done with failing.

Paying off debts, it is mostly old loans that I have deferred over and over and well it is time to pay them off.  I want build our forever home and build one that is beautiful and amazing, with my credit score we will not have our dream forever home.  And I want to be able to buy items that last a lifetime that do not require assembly.  I want to secure a college education for my kids, we have one started but I want them to not have to worry about taking out loans.

Stella and Dot, I love this company.  It is the one home-based company that I truly stand-by.  We have amazing jewelry, handbags, scarves.  But I am a huge self-sabotageur.  I am all gung-ho, I publicize my business, trunk shows, you name it and when I see an opportunity and I fear that people won’t like me.  I missed out on a lot of great opportunities back in Maryland.  I blame myself for not putting myself out there more.  I didn’t work hard enough and for that I failed myself and my business.  I self-sabotage because it is easier than seeing what I am capable of, I am in a way scared of succeeding.  Also part of the reason why I am scrambling to check off this list, a lot of these is because of self-sabotage.  The high school girl in my head keeps telling me, “you’re not good enough”  I have heard that a lot in my teen years and it still haunts.  So with my Stella and Dot business I need to nix the doubt and go out there!

With the self-sabotage which should be on the list to stop doing, letting go of the past is a huge part of that as well.  Letting go has been a work in progress, the negative thoughts of failed friendships and opportunities creep into my head and I think back to the what ifs which are too late.  They happened and that is it.

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes”-Oscar Wilde

I am not perfect and it does effect me that I can’t do things a certain way like other spouses and moms.  I need to let go of the idea of perfection.  It is unattainable.

Getting my teeth fixed is obvious, I have bad teeth end of story.  Run in 3 half-marathons, I haven’t decided which ones, I just want to run in them.

Stop taking things personally.  I do this, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this ties into letting go of the past.  I know and am still learning that not everyone will like me.  I don’t have to be everyone’s friend and if I am not myself, people will not like me.  And if I act like a selfish bitch, it will not get me far, just nasty looks.  The whole world is not against me, I need to develop a thicker skin for sure.

The next two go with bettering myself, getting certified in Crossfit endurance and football and to teach English.  These two will take longer, getting my Bachelors is number one and one of the most important things.  I am not too worried if I do not finish by I am 40.

Be a better mom, I am tough on my kids, I lose my temper and I want to give my kids a great life.  My kids mean the world to me and I don’t want to raise them to be inept adults.  I want them to thrive out there, I want them to be strong, stand up for themselves.  Be courageous, respectful, loving and kind men!  Being a mom is ultimate role of my life.  5 years ago, I put being a mom on the back burner and I suffered.  My kids do not remember that, I do not want them to but I will never do that again.  I do not want to guilt them the way my mom did me, they are the one thing I have not sabotaged.  They are the reason why I want to better myself.

Better my fitness and lose weight.  My physical appearance is a touchy subject with me, I never had a great body, I was never considered pretty.  There was a moment in my life where I was super skinny, but I was not doing it in a healthy way.  I love a good workout,  the low self-esteem keeps me from wanting to love my body the way it is.  I self-sabotage!  I do really great and then I get upset and I over do things because it feels better.  I complain instead of doing something about it.  Beside growing thicker skin, I need to be comfortable in it as well!  Will I look like a model?  HELL NO!  Will a be a healthier version of myself, absolutely.

I am done!  I am done self-sabotaging my chance at an education, of letting go of the past, of taking things personally, my business, my health, my relationships with those around me and my physical appearance.  I am done!  I am irritated with myself that I am at this point, I feel very stunted in the way I have grown and lived my life.  I wish I can go back and change things, but I can’t do that and just focus on the now and my future.  The past has helped me to get to this point, no more looking back.  Just going forward!!  NO MORE SELF-SABOTAGE!!!  I am done!

This list is the ultimate to-do list, I have to get this done or else.  Join me on this journey to finishing!  Do you have a checklist?  I am ready to tackle these tasks and get to where I need be emotionally, mentally,physically and spiritually.

Time to tackle the to-do list!

Being French

I just spent the week in Normandy.  Normandy has quite the history and its view of the English Channel makes the area a place you must visit.

Many Americans, Canadians, British and of course, French citizens are familiar with what happened on June 6, 1944.  It was D-Day, it is forever in our minds the day the enemy never saw coming and were defeated.  Omaha, Utah, Gold and Juno beaches were the core landings for that day.  Many go there for memories and to honor those who fought for freedom.  Being a military family, being on hallowed grounds like that sends a chill through my spine.

It is our third time in this region of France and I always ALWAYS have a great experience, from the cultural attractions to the food, Normandy is never a disappointing trip!  I love coming here and we are already planning our next trip.

We got an apartment in our favorite town of Port-en-Bessin-Huppain.  It is a fishing town that is quaint and so pretty.  Their beach is perfect for shell and sea glass hunting!  This town has some really great places to eat at, which will always have fresh fish caught the day of!  Wonderful bakeries and cute shops with local foods and gifts.  They also have a pretty great fish market which opens at 8:30 am, it was cool to go in and pick out what were going to have for dinner for that day.  We went out to dinner twice and ate in twice.  It was perfect!

Normandy also has a great food and cider shops, all local and using traditional ingredients.  Normandy has a great cider and Calvados route.  Calvados is a liquor made with pear or apples, it is very strong but is best mixed with hot apple cider for example.  It can make your favorite holiday drink that much more special.  Cider or cidre as they say is another specialty of the region.  They are made from the very apples they grow and as well as pears.  It is refreshing!  I have become a cider fan because of Normandy!  I favorite place to get cider if from Ferme de la Sapiniere.  Close to Omaha beach, this quaint store has a great selection of cider and apple juice!  They also sell pear juice and combinations of apple and cherry, apple and currant juice (the kids fave) and pear and apple.  Not too sweet, no artificial anything!  Fresh juice that is a must to try and purchase.  You can go for a tasting of the cider which I recommend so that you can get a better idea of what you really like.  The ciders are very tasty and I enjoyed trying them out!

Not far from the town we stayed in is the town of Bayeux (pronounced by-you).  This town is lovely and another favorite of mine.  The cathedral there is beautiful!  Bayeux is a little bigger than Port-en-Bessin.  It holds the Bayeux Tapestry, this tapestry tells the story of William the Conqueror from the 11th Century.  The guided tour is great and they have a special guided version for kids.  This tapestry shows you what happened to Edward the Confessor, Harold and of course William.  It is so worth the trip to Bayeux, they also have a new art museum.  If you can, stay at the Hotel le Bayeux, it is super nice, comfy, they do a very good job catering to their guests. And it is next to the cathedral!

The area of Normandy is beautiful!  The beaches are pretty great and the kids enjoyed frolicking in the sand and water.  The beaches line the English Channel.  And even though Omaha and Utah are historical sites, sitting on the sandy beach, the smell of sea air fills the air; you can’t help but remember what happened there.  To be able to say that you have been some place with that much history is an amazing thing.  And being there with my soldier husband, just rings true the dedication to god and country.

Going to Normandy is never boring for our family.  More than history, Normandy has an amazing landscape, friendly people and really awesome cuisine.  To be able to get fresh fish caught that day, a baguette freshly made or croissants.  To have a glass of cider with your fresh sea almonds.  The flavors all envelope to help create this experience, to show you what Normandy has to offer.

If you ever get the chance to go to Normandy, do it!

My favorite Cider House
My favorite Cider House
Bayeux Cathedral
Bayeux Cathedral
Shell hunting
Shell hunting


Candles by the Peace Chapel in the Cathedral
Candles by the Peace Chapel in the Cathedral
Omaha Beach
Omaha Beach


Love me some soldiers @ Utah Beach
Love me some soldiers @ Utah Beach
Entrance at the American Cemetery
Entrance at the American Cemetery


The is key!

A friend posted on her Facebook page an interesting topic; how women can stop judging each other.  The post is by Ann Voskamp and her blog is AH-MAZING!!  Her blog is titled A Holy Experience.  And it is wonderful!  She is a Christian, like myself but she post very cool postings about living your life.  This post about Key Women, really made me look at my life and say “you know what, the laundry basket is going to have to sit out in the middle of the living room.”

It was empowering and humbling because, I am fearful of judgement and I need to stop with obsessing about what others think about me.  Having the perfect home isn’t all that!

“I won’t judge you for dishes in your sink and shoes over your floor and laundry on your couch.”

This is from her blog and it should be what we should be saying to each other.  As women, we need to come together and not be in a competition.  My house is not unlivable, my home is where my kids can play, bring friends and build memories.  I will have her blog on a list of favorites and will be one that I can go to and reflect.

Voskamp has many like these in her blog.  Check her out!

Shop, Shop, Shop, Sh-sh-op, shop, shop!

I love shopping and I love a good deal.  Shopping online can be fun if you know what you are looking for, often if you do not find what you want, but the more you shop from your favorite places the better chance you have of finding what you like!  But also online shopping can add up!  Especially with shipping, living overseas, it can add up quickly.  Whenever I can, I shop when I know I can get free shipping, some say if you spend a certain amount you can get it for free.  Honestly,  I can’t afford to spend $500 just because I can get it for free.  With Old Navy, if I spend $50, I can get it for free shipping and with the awesome sales they have, that is not a problem.

What I like to pair shopping with is Ebates!  Ebates allows you to get a certain percentage amount of cash back from your favorite online shops.  They also give you coupon codes so that you can save extra on your purchases.  I always use Ebates for Old Navy, Sephora and Shindigz.  It is always good to check the site when you can, they often have double the cash back.  I like that it pays to shop!

Living overseas also means I may not get all things I used to back in the states.  Our PX (post exchange) is smaller and sometimes may not have all the necessities we may need for day to day.  That is where Amazon‘s Subscribe and Save service comes in handy.   You pick out your items and decide if you want it monthly or every 6 months.  I like this for favorite snacks, cleaning items and larger Costco size items.  Amazon Prime is the best when we are planning birthday parties, I can get supplies and decorations, I can also compare prices and know I can get more bang for my buck.  The free shipping doesn’t hurt either!

Shopping for good deals makes you a smart shopper.  Every once in awhile, paying full price is okay but it has to be on something I know I will have for a long time.  But it has to be on items that will be used for a longer period of time, like shoes, for the kids if I splurge on a pair of shoes I buy them a size bigger than normal.  That way I know that they will last a while and will wear those shoes every day without fail!  It is not all time it is only on items we will use for a long, long time.

I love fashion!  Whenever I can I like buying items that will suit my body.  I do not like trying things on and I like returning things quick and easy.  StitchFix is a monthly service, for $20 (which becomes a credit) you can fill out a profile and they will end you items pertaining to you!  Some items may not be what you like, some are.  Those items you wish to keep you keep and the other items you send back in a envelope they supply you with.  Now, you do NOT have to do this every month, I like this every 5-6 months, when the seasons change and I want to spruce up my wardrobe.  It can be expensive to do this every month, for me the seasonal sprucing is perfect and I find some great pieces that become my staples for my every day.

Athletic wear is something I can always use, I love Nike but that is expensive.  I do my usual Old Navy their running capris are super awesome and Fabletics.  Fabletics is another monthly service.  I do pay monthly but do not purchase every month, sometimes I am really good on athletic wear and sometimes, I need a new pair of running tights because my other pair is getting too big.  When I do not purchase, I build up my credits so that way I can buy several pieces and pay far less for the items.  A whole outfit is usually $49 dollars, that is an athletic top and bottoms.  And of course I love free shipping!

I shop because I am able to but I do so with a plan.  Just buying things without researching and knowing that I actually needing them is careless.  I have done that and while it is fun at the moment, however, there are times where I feel guilty for purchasing something frivolous.  SOMETIMES!  There have been very few times where I purchase a piece of frivolity and I love it.  It depends on the purpose behind the purchase.  I have in the past, used shopping as a way to cope with bad things happening to me.  It would make for a great distraction and I would calm down, it was like a sedative.  Browse, click, checkout, exhale.  I have come to a point now where I make my purchases consciously.  I have to have a reason; the boys are out-growing their jeans, they need a suit for an important event in a few months, polo shirts for school.  The husband needs stuff for the car, the dog needs a new collar.  There has to be a reason and a purpose not just because I feel bad.  I can’t just spend my money because I can, I have to know why and know that I have allotted that amount for it, a budget.  I have to stop myself from time to time, there have been a few moments recently where I wanted to go shopping after I had a really bad day and had to find something else to do.  I love my shopping, but it comes with a plan.  With room for a little frivolity.

Who am I!?! This…

My name is Erika.  I love to eat good food whether it is good for me or not.  I love beer and wine, I love a good run.  I believe in breast-feeding, I believe in having an epidural when you are about to go into labor.  I do not like guns, I accept that military […]

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I am a badass!

Well, it is June 22nd far past the 21 day challenge and I enjoyed it!  The challenge showed me that I needed to kick my own butt and work on getting stronger inside and out.  I look a little different (pictures will come later!) I feel different!  Getting back to crossfit and working out again was awesome.  I missed it so much and now will continue to maintain the same work level I had before.

The  badass challenge presented itself at time where I was allowing others to sneak into my head and spout out all the negative stuff.  I let myself get caught up in the negativity and believed I was all the things people said.  I also never gave myself time to work out.  I put a lot on my plate and in turn I suffered from over-volunteering.  I complained (per usual) and was kicked in the face with reality, I needed to make time.  These two things combined made me not happy with myself.  Here I am in Europe and while the traveling has been great, my self-esteem not so much.  I was not totally myself, I can put on a great facade.

So my 21 days to being a badass has re-ignited me to continue to be badass! I needed the re-charge and the kick in the butt to get me back on track!  I always have to remind myself that I am worth it, that I have healthy kids, I have a roof over my head and I have a pretty good life.  I can’t complain, I really can’t and that is another thing I need to stop doing.  I need to stop complaining and whining.  When I do that, I am really ungrateful and petty.  I can be such a baby.

“To be happy is to not be concerned with others.”  This is a quote that reminds me that my happiness is not determined by others.  I make my own and it is what makes me a badass.  I am on my way to getting healthy physically and emotionally, I am happy and on my way to feeling good in my skin.  Everyone is a badass in their own right.  Whatever you are working on, you are a badass.  This challenge is the first time I actually felt that I conquered, following through on a challenge and not finding an excuse as why I didn’t finish feels good as well.  Nothing kept me from it, I followed though.  Badass!  I need to do that more often, I can’t get lazy again.  I let myself down too many times and that as to stop, what example am I setting for my kids if I self-sabotage?  They need to know that they can push through and conquer.  They too are badasses!  I am on my way to getting better and feeling better.

If you have not checked out the Christmas Abbott’s book go out and GET IT!  It is great!  This book was a good tool and a good reference to get healthy.  Healthy is more than just physical, it is mental and emotional.  For whatever reason you want to get healthy, get this and become the badass you know you can be.

Day 15-feeling it!

Physically, I ran a mile and did 100 kettle bell swings this morning.  I have been far more active than I ever have before, I am tired!  I thought I was active but clearly I was not.  Oh were my legs screaming for me to stop!!  My arms hurt yet I feel much stronger than ever.  I actually miss this feeling of hard work and strength, a little pep in my step and a little more confidence.

This challenge so far has really made me look within myself, wanting to feel comfortable in my skin and saying how it doesn’t matter what other people think and blah blah blah!  I honestly was not believing it myself!  I was trying to hard convincing myself that my mantra was working, I was pretending and I need to get up off my ass bum and get the confidence I keep saying that I was going to get!  My pep talks are getting a little louder now and I finally am getting the hang of it.

I will never look like the other moms out there, I am my own person.  I also have to stop comparing myself to my own mother, she grew up differently and raised me differently.  I am not her, she tried her hardest to make sure my life was better and that I not screw up on missed opportunities.  But I also feel like she was hoping for a different daughter, considering who my dad was.  Maybe she thought I would end up like my half siblings, she tried hard to make sure I didn’t.  She often went about it the wrong way and it still lingers the words she threw at me.  I try hard not to raise my sons they way she did.  This challenge is showing me that I can’t be her and to not tried so hard, my kids are happy.  They are going to a great school and their life is way better than mine.  I am grateful that I can give them that!

I am feeling a lot better these days!  I feel lighter and more satisfied with myself and my progress.  It feels good to follow through on a challenge.