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I am having a woeful moment, it is my birthday week.
I have not been a great friend. I am realizing that as I am slowly approaching 39 that I have only been in one wedding and that was my own. It makes me sad, that I could not have nor maintain a good friendship. I like having friends but in the crucial parts of my life; my high school and college years it was my chance to make these connections, I failed. In my 20’s and part of my 30’s, I failed. I could not make or keep friends and why? Jealousy. Jealous that I was not pretty enough, jealous that I didn’t have the right clothes, the personality. I was always concerned that I was not good enough and would sabotage the friendship.
Using the wedding thing is a way of seeing that it was me. The few friends I have now, well we are all married. I guess what I am saying is sorry to all those potential good friendship/relationships. Sorry that I was so attention hungry that I never saw how great it could have been. Sorry that I became jealous over nothing, my low sense of self clouded my mind and ruined it. I know that I am trying not to look back on the past, but can’t help it.
What prompted this, seeing friends pictures as they get to celebrate their friends nuptials. I am not and was not that friend and I am sad. Not about the weddings, just the friendships I could have had, had I not been so petty and negative. Looking back on my past missteps, I am very aware that I am the reason for lost friendships. I am feeling sorry for myself. I turn 39 this week and I am going through past experiences in the hopes that by this time next year, I have grown and learned.
To all those I have not been nice to, I am very sorry. I need to take responsibility for what an awful friend I have been and know that I am only human and will learn from the past.
I love my husband, we have been married for almost 15 years! We have been through A LOT. We have had many lows and highs and I am grateful that we have had gone through things because it shows that we went into the marriage with our whole hearts. My life has been forever changed when I met him and I can’t imagine my life without him. He is an awesome person!
However, there are those moments, moments in which I wish he would stop be super army dude and be just a guy. Often, he has a tendency to be the macho, the tough guy, nothing can penetrate his tough exterior. Whether in or out of his uniform, tough man is there. The only time I ever see him not be tough, when he is around the boys, he lets his guard down and I love that. When he is the tough guy, I get frustrated with him! Grr! When something is bothering him, he can’t just open up. I don’t need a huge speech, just say a word, hand signal something that something is not okay. I get that he is a guy, I can’t change him BUT if something is bugging him, I want to know. He has a tendency to blurt out what is wrong during a very heated argument, it is annoying and upsetting when it happens. Why? Because he just does! Look, if my spouse is going through something, I want to be the partner he deserves by being there for him and supporting him. But his macho-ness, sometimes, interferes and I become livid!
He has been doing this for awhile, there have been moments in which I can tell, he is holding it in. But it is rare that I can read his face. Often, he is just concentrating on work, fine. But come on! I love him! I do with all my heart, to be in a marriage it takes hard work. I can’t imagine my world without him, he is an amazing dad. Just wish that in moments of need that he can just say “hey, this is bothering me.” That’s all! But I know also that we processes things and after 15 years, you would think that I would have learned this. I do not like to see my family suffer in any way, I just want to be there for them. My husband is a great man, he is strong and he is sweet and very good looking (wink!) This is just another thing we will work through together. He may at times be a Macho man, he protects his family and fights for us. This is something that I love about him as well, his love for us. This is a marriage, my marriage and one that I wouldn’t trade for the world! Marriages are never perfect, if they are then that is when I would start to question it. Planning the wedding, is fun and great but when the excitement of the party ends, the real part begins.
When I entered into this with the husband, I knew I wanted something different than my parents. I wanted a true relationship and yes, I have failed the husband, but I fought hard and worked my way back. I will never do that to him again, I make sure that if I want him to be there for me I have to be there for him too. There are two people in this not one! So his macho man thing is his way of dealing with things. He does hurt me or the family, he does not put me down and he is genuine. It is his way of coping afterall, his job can be a bit stressful. All I can do is be there for him when he is ready to talk. We are partners.
I recently got a friend request from someone I haven’t spoken to in 6 years. Our friendship ended badly because I was going through a crisis and they needed someone who was going through what they were going through. They are nice and all but do I really want them as a friend now? I […]
It’s Sunday night over here and I am glad it is over. I had an off week if you will, I was not myself and felt as though I was not in a good state of mind, a negative nelly if you will. I was tired, not working out, just off my game. But we all have a week like that, I am grateful that it happened. It got me to re-examine myself and do a better job at relaxing. I got all wound up and didn’t work turning down the volume in my brain telling me that everything is out of control. It was meh kind of week, but that is what I love about starting a new week, it is a do over! You can let go of the last week and start over, fresh and ready to take on the week. I will take a deep breath and exhale! Here’s to a new week!
Hi there! i have been busy studying and decided to take a break and talk about the apps that have made my life a little easier. There is an app for everything and living overseas, more and more apps are coming out that can be used in Europe. Our smartphones are our lifelines these days and if I am going to use an app, best believe it will be one that will be a helpful one!!
The first app that I love and use constantly is the Nike+ app; I use it to track my running. It is great because it tells you how fast you are going, it can play songs according to your pace and when running outside, I like have a map of where I ran. It came in handy when I ran my half marathon. I learned that I shaved a half hour off my time!
I have two apps that I love and work for me when I travel, Airbnb and Currency. Airbnb you can reserve apartments instead of hotels and often it is cheaper and more comfortable. You can even stay in unique places like a Yurt in Mongolia! I really like it and the hosts are often very very nice!
Currency is an awesome conversion app! When i recently went to Stockholm, it was a relief to know EXACTLY how much I was spending. Sweden is so cheap and when I go and pull out 200 kroner after checking the Currency app, I am relieve to find out I am pulling out $50! The best, I love it, get it!
Now that I am going back to school, a lot of my classes are on Blackboard. So the app has been great because when I am busy with the kids, I can stay up to date on assignments. It’s convenient and I have no excuse for NOT knowing what needs to be done. If you have a college student and they have some courses online, they need this app!!
Okay, so I like social media especially for my Stella and Dot Business. I can share new collections and trunkshow specials. That is when Instagram comes in handy! I love sharing little bits of my life whether it is with Stella and Dot , Crossfit or my travels. And now with Runship, I can shop with Instagram! YES! SHOP!! It’s great! Instagram yes!
Pinterest!! This is addictive! BUT! It is another tool I use for my business and to get ideas for future trips, kid activities, outfit ideas, recipes, etc. I have a lot of boards! If you need help with finding a new book or planning a fundraiser, Pinterest can totally help brainstorm and can give you a great starting point to make your events, trips happen. AWESOME!
NTC (Nike Training Club) this app is helpful when I need to get a workout and either I do not have enough time or it raining! I have no excuse for not working out. The workouts on here are concentrated and are broken down by beginner, intermediate and advanced. Each workout is different and will make you break a sweat! You feel awesome when you are done and if you have Apple TV, you can airplay the workouts to your tv.
Audible! Using my amazon account, I can download an audiobook. Every once in a while, if I do not want to download a book, I often listen to them. My latest was Suffer by E.E. Borton, I didn’t buy through my Kindle because honestly I have a lot of book. It sounded interesting and I thought I would check it out. The actor narrating the book did an awesome job and the story was SOOOO good! When I am out running errands or walking the dog, I pop in my earbuds and listen to a great book.
You can’t go wrong with any of these apps! Check them and share some of YOUR favorites! You can’t go wrong with these!
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